i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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