ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
