They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize