That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
love makes seman taste better
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
