I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
