I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
