if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize