He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
