My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
