My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
