so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
