Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have aggressive nipples.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
