I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
