Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
