I love black thongs
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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