Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Terrible idea I love it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
