Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
