just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
