My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She told me I should be a condom model.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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