He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
