I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
