after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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