a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I AM VODKA MAN
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize