I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize