Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
