I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
