I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
