you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
