So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
