Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
