I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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