Sry I called you an 8
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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