I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is not my ceiling
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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