So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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