I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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