im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
