1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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