I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
