Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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