I bet he comes in French.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
