I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
