i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize