im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
