i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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