After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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