Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
