His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
