MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
