There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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