also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she peed on how many people?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
