Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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