areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
