explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
