I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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