Your face is a jimmy john
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize