They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
