you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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