I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm too high and old for this...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize