Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to calm my uterus...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
