I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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