I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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