Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
