The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I CAN MOONWALK!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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