Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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