chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
