Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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