If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
