I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
