Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize