I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
