Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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