Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
