My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize