i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im part way to drunk.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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