I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize